Today’s story centers around a wife who, feeling sidelined in her own marriage, decides to take a stand against her husband’s regular financial support to his mother. This decision, meant to protect their immediate family’s well-being, triggers a cascade of emotional fallout, leading to accusations and hurt feelings.
She explained what happened.
My (33f) and my husband Matteo (31m) have been married for 4 months, together for 3 years. When we were dating, his mom used to randomly call him up and ask for money, anywhere from 2-6 thousand dollars. He told me that she had been doing it for years, but he didn’t care because he had a high-paying job and had the disposable income to give her money.
My FIL is a successful businessman in his city, and I was told that they had joint accounts, so I always found it a bit odd that she asked her son for money. When we got engaged, we discussed his mom’s monetary requests and my husband agreed he would put an end to it, and he did. She stopped calling after he refused to give her money.
Last Tuesday my MIL called and asked my husband for 15 thousand dollars, she said she needed it for vacation. After he told her no, she sent me a lengthy text message saying that I had no right to get involved in a mother’s relationship with her son, I didn’t respond. I asked my husband if his parents were having money troubles, and he said that everything was fine as far as he knows.
Well, today my FIL and SIL (husband’s younger sister) came over for lunch. My FIL was helping us choose a bottle of wine when I asked him if everything was okay at home, he looked at me confused and asked what I was talking about. That’s when my husband told him about her calling us for money.!
It turns out that my MIL has been secretly asking my husband for money in cash. My FIL told us that she was withdrawing cash from the bank last year and told him it was to help pay for our wedding but she lied, she never gave us a dime.
My FIL left immediately and hours later my MIL called crying saying that I had a big mouth and ruined her life. My FIL wrote us a check to pay us back and is temporarily separated from my MIL until he feels he can trust her again. My husband’s maternal relatives are calling us and saying that I’m the bad guy.
People stood on her side.
- “You’re not the one who has been lying and leeching for money. Hope your FIL divorces her.”
- “You asked out of concern, and you brought what sounds like tens of thousands of dollars in spending to his attention that she had been hiding, for whatever reasons. If she needed the money for a good reason, she wouldn’t have been lying about it.”
- “You busted a gold-digging scammer, out of concern and love for your husband and his father. It’s natural to feel guilty for upsetting someone, and for big life changes to happen to others. But sometimes it’s necessary to upset someone and change circumstances.”
- “The maternal relatives that are calling you a bad guy were probably the ones benefiting from the money.”
- “If anyone ruined your mother-in-law’s life, it was herself.”
- “You’re not a bank, neither is your husband, MIL has misused the trust of her son and husband. Seems like she wants to have power over her son and uses the money method to know that.”
As the story unfolds, it becomes clear that such decisions, while often painful, are necessary for the health and stability of the marriage. Ultimately, the narrative underscores the importance of communication, mutual understanding, and the need for clear boundaries in maintaining both familial relationships and marital bonds.